Cleveland: All he needs is another lemon snow cone.
Peter: No thanks, that yellow snow cone you gave me didn’t taste like lemon, it tasted more like…oh you guys are asses!
(Peter is trying to potty train Stewie)
Peter: C’mon Stewie, don’t you want to pee in the toilet like a big boy?
Stewie: Well, perhaps I could give it the old college try. Would you put your hands there on the toilet seat, it’ll help me relax.
Peter: OK. (Slams toilet seat down on Peter’s fingers.) AAAHHHHHH!!!!
Stewie: Listen you, I’ll use these facilities when I’m DAMN WELL READY!!!! Until then you shall continue to sanitize my crevice and be DAMN GRATFEUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY!!! Starting right . . .hmmp. . . hmmmp. . . . .hmmmmmp well then, not now, BUT SOON! (Walks off.)
Stewie: If I choose to make stool in my pants right now, you’re the only one here to change me. What do you think of that, hmm?
Brian: I’m not going to change you.
Stewie: What?
Brian: I said, I’m not going to change you.
Stewie: You can’t be serious. Well, what if I make a fudgie? Well, I just won’t. I just won’t that’s all. I just won’t. Blast! I just did.
Peter: Lois, I cant find my favorite pair of underwear.
Lois: Which one? The one where you ripped hole in it from when you got stuck in that airplane bathroom from when you got the trots?
Peter: No, I’m looking for the pair from when I had to hold it in because it was that extra long Palm Sunday service and I thought blowing gas would offend God so I let it rip in the vestibule after service.
Lois: Top drawer.
Lawyer: Peter, Sarah has decided to press sexual harrasssment charges against you.
Peter: Sarah…Is that the one we video taped taking a dump?
Chris (looking at the Twinkie in his hand): I’m going to turn you into poo.
0 Responses to “Ok, I Cracked (no pun intended) Here’s some toilet humour from Family Guy”